Found this on another site and found them funny.
Subject: Military wit and wisdom... Mostly wisdom.
>
> A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
> least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left
> of your unit."
> - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> "Aim towards the Enemy."
> - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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> -
> "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
> - U.S. Marine Corps training manual
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> -
> "Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are
> guaranteed to always hit the ground."
> - USAF Ammo Troop
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> -
> "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
> - Infantry Journal
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> -
> "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
> just bombed."
> - U.S. Air Force Pilot training manual
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
> encountered automatic weapons."
> - General Macarthur
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> -
> "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
> - Infantry Journal
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> -
> "You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you, come with me."
> - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "Tracers work both ways."
> - U.S. Army Ordnance officer
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> -
> "Five second fuses only last three seconds."
> - Infantry Journal
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> -
> Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
> - David Hackworth
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> -
> "If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush."
> - Infantry Journal
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> -
> "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
> - Joe Gay
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> -
> "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
> - Anonymous
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> -
> "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
> - Unknown Marine Recruit
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> -
> "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
> - Your Buddies
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> -
> "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
> - USAF Ammo Troop
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> -
> "Though I Fly Through the Valleyof Death... I Shall Fear No Evil.
> For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
> - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan
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> -
> "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
> - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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> -
> "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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> -
> "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
> submarines in the sky."
> --From an old carrier sailor
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> -
> "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably
> a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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> -
> "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have
> enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
> If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
> If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "Never trade luck for skill."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in
> aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and
> "Oh $hit!"
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> -
> "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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> -
> "Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
> pregnant."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up
> there!"
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for
> the purpose of storing dead batteries."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to
> a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything
> about it."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will
> be held on a sunny day."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems
> inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the
> vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just
> barely kill you."
> - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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> -
> "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
> - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not
> go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the
> appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
> It is much more difficult to fly there."
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having
> torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck
> arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?".
> The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
> - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
