Author Topic: Make me LOL, get free gear  (Read 2757 times)

Offline WhiskeyTwoFour

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Private
  • **
  • Posts: 22
    • View Profile
    • http://wtfpb.com
Make me LOL, get free gear
« on: July 23, 2010, 08:23:19 PM »
It's been a long day.  I need a laugh.

Give me what I need and I'll ship you (within AZ) a WTF lo pro 6xM4 mag carrier.  These aren't up on the site yet but should be tomorrow.

Share a story, a picture, a short anecdote, whatever.

Be mature about this and stay within forum guidelines...





« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline VICTORIOUS

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Sergeant
  • *****
  • Posts: 171
    • View Profile
    • http://www.specestore.com
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2010, 08:51:15 PM »
Here is a small part of a book I have been working on since college. Some parts are funny, at any rate it will entertain you:
Beer Seeds
Tecate lights have a silver label. In Mexico, they’re served exclusively in dark glass bottles with pry off tops. It’s summer time in San Luis.  Condensation trickles down the neck of the bottle just as sweat makes its way down my own. Patio bars have no air conditioning, so it’s up to the beer to keep me cool. I wave at a waiter for one more round and stare off into the narrow streets while listening to my friends laugh from the other side of out leather-topped mesquite table. The mariachi band starts to play Hotel California.  
Our waiter arrives with fresh brews. He pries off the tops as he distributes the refreshment and smiles as he receives his gratuity. I swipe for a bottle, cram a wedge of lime down its neck and tip a bit of salt into its mouth- to get the taste how I like it. A thumb placed on the opening and a quick tip upside down complete my process. Out of habit or some other intrinsic drive, I start to peel one of the silver label’s edges. The label releases from the bottle with ease as I peel it, having been loosened by the ice bath it surely soaked in for hours before I ordered it, giving it a heavenly chill. The label is removed, and through the red-brown glass I see the liquid. I set it down on the table and the Sonoran sunlight goes to work on it like round before. It beams through the bottle onto the table projecting a pattern of scattered light. Being buzzed, I stare at the pattern until something else catches my attention.  
A solitary seed rises from the bottom of the bottle, riding some unseen force. It reaches a crest- some unseen boundary I cannot guess at- and slowly sinks back to the bottom.  It rises again, sinks, stops halfway down, and begins to rise once more. The phenomenon repeats itself as I stare in inebriated stupor. I have seen the occurrence before in Corona, Dos Equis, Carta Blanca, Negra Modelo, and other Mexican friends, but this time I marvel at it. I question what force stops the seed from maintaining its altitude and I wonder at the force that causes the seed to rise after it has fallen as far as the bottom. These limits of the seed’s progress become significant in my mind as I stare at the dumb bottle. I become fascinated about the journey the seed takes. Sometimes the rise is miniscule before the seed drops. Sometimes, the seed seems to be suspended between several short climbs and descents. There must be some meaningful lesson I can pull from such an acute observation. Volumes are filled with people’s brilliant observations about lesser things than this-- Leaves of grass, a moth on a window sill. I search my mind for an anecdote about the ups and downs of life...nothing. Then again, it is only just a Mexican beer like the others I had before it, and I am quite drunk. Perhaps the lesson I should learn is to check my lime wedges for seeds.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »
I Force No Friend; I Fear No Foe.....Fide et Fortitudine!!

Offline Crono0001

  • Trade Count: (+1)
  • Sergeant Major
  • *****
  • Posts: 523
    • View Profile
    • http://jagxops.com
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2010, 09:28:09 PM »



« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline TMills

  • Trade Count: (+1)
  • Sergeant First Class
  • *****
  • Posts: 259
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2010, 11:07:23 PM »
Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »


"The First Ones in for a Reason"

Offline TMills

  • Trade Count: (+1)
  • Sergeant First Class
  • *****
  • Posts: 259
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2010, 11:17:11 PM »
Here's another pretty funny one:

Weight Loss Plan

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »


"The First Ones in for a Reason"

Offline d.prather

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Staff Sergeant
  • *****
  • Posts: 219
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2010, 11:23:22 PM »
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
     There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
     I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Raith

  • Wait, what?
  • Global Moderator
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Major General
  • *****
  • Posts: 2289
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2010, 11:57:22 PM »
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »
Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils.


Offline Pick

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Second Lieutenant
  • *****
  • Posts: 827
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2010, 05:20:36 AM »
A mexican, a spainard, and a texan walk into a bar. The spainard goes up the bartender and orders a round of shots for the bar. He then raises his glass and proclaims "viva la spain" then takes his shot. The texan and mexican nod qiuetly. The mexican then walks up the the bartender and orders a round of beer for everyone. He then raises his glass and proclaims "viva la mexico" then chugs his beer. The texan and spainard nod qiuetly and drink their beer. The texan then turns to the mexican grabs him and throws him up in the air pulls out his six-shot and shoots him then turns around and proclaims "remember the alamo"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »
He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious. - Sun Tzu

Offline usafcajun

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Sergeant First Class
  • *****
  • Posts: 317
    • View Profile
    • Black Company
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2010, 03:00:09 PM »
Boudreaux enters Thibodeaux's barbershop for a shave. While Thibodeaux is foaming him up, Boudreaux mentions da problems he has gettin' a close shave around the cheeks. Thibodeaux said, "Mais, I'm got just the ting", taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place dis between your cheek and gum." Boudreaux places the ball in his mouth and Thib proceeds with da closest shave Boudreaux has ever experienced. After a few strokes, Boudreaux axe, " Mais, what if I swallow it ?"
"No problem," says Thibodeaux. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »
USAFcajun
------------------------
** MCLMM **
 OP:Lion Claws VI  -  Tribe Longgrear

Offline Vince

  • Global Moderator
  • Trade Count: (0)
  • General
  • *****
  • Posts: 5230
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2010, 04:06:43 PM »
About a year ago, a bunch of us had gone to the last Combat Challenge, OP : Balkan Hammer II.

Most airsofters generally don't have much in the way of social skills and just usually smell awful, so azsarge and I decided we didn't want to have to go back and sleep in the barracks.

So we found two chicks, picked them up, had our way with them and made them drive us back to Camp Navajo in the morning.

At the gate in the morning, the security guard saw us in this car with these two chicks and gave me this look and I told him, "That's right, shooter." He was so jealous he responded "Shooter is one of the words on my watch list. Please wait while I search the car."

We had to walk from the gate to the barracks after that.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »


"I was having dinner with Andrew Ho, and he said I should have COL McKnight lead airsofters in mock combat. I said, "That is the gayest idea I have ever heard." - John Lu

Offline Rogue Fox

  • Trade Count: (+1)
  • First Lieutenant
  • *****
  • Posts: 891
  • 6CA
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2010, 04:32:44 PM »
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

When the shit hits the fan, dont be in front of the fan.

Offline HavHav

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Colonel
  • *****
  • Posts: 1474
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2010, 06:15:52 PM »
Why do I wrap hampsters in duct tape?

So they don't explode when I put my dick in them.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline DMAN007

  • Trade Count: (+8)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 920
    • View Profile
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline DMAN007

  • Trade Count: (+8)
  • Captain
  • *****
  • Posts: 920
    • View Profile
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline airsoftguy01

  • Trade Count: (0)
  • Sergeant
  • *****
  • Posts: 197
    • View Profile
Re: Make me LOL, get free gear
« Reply #14 on: July 25, 2010, 12:54:25 AM »
A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbour is an asshole, his bestfriend is a pussy and his owner beats him!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 05:00:00 PM by Guest »